5 Phrases To Stay Away From At The Office Holiday Party

Love them or hate them, office holiday parties can be breeding grounds for awkward situations and next-day regrets. And we’re even more prone to foot-in-mouth moments after the pandemic. “With alcohol flowing and a relaxed atmosphere, the holiday party has often played host to inappropriate conversations, advances, and asides that can create a toxic and inequitable working environment for many employees,” says Sarah Schultz, Communications Lead at OfficeTogether. “And after more than a year of remote work and Zoom get-togethers, this year's in-person partygoers might be a little more zealous than in years past.”

But that doesn’t mean you should minimize things like a flirty comment or a controversial joke, as chalking up offhand remarks to the pandemic or someone having too many drinks is a slippery slope.

“As we return to the office and in-person parties, it's important that we remind ourselves how to present professionally at work-sponsored events,” adds Schultz.

“For example, be mindful of comments that you say about your colleagues and bosses, both in group and one-on-one conversations, do not comment on or objectify a person's appearance, and take note of how language and cultural sensitivity has evolved recently.”

Here are five phrases you should never say at the office holiday party, regardless of how relaxed you feel.

“I’m not racist but…”

“This phrase is always followed by saying something is racist and full of prejudice. This kind of language and intolerance has no place at a holiday party, no place in an office setting, and really no place at all,” says Michael Alexis, CEO of TeamBuilding. "Topics like politics, race relations and other matters might come up, and especially with alcohol people can say some pretty terrible things.” So racist comments are obviously never a good idea. You also might want to take it a step further and avoid polarizing viewpoints altogether. The office holiday party is not a great platform for political debates.

What to say instead:

Ask about your colleagues’ health and well-being. If someone expresses a controversial opinion, bring empathy to the mix by listening intently and aiming to understand their point of view even if you don’t agree with it.

“Avoid polarizing viewpoints on topics that will trigger divisive strong views. Rather be humanitarian, warm and inquire about colleagues' health and the general wellbeing of others. Be empathetic as opposed to being controversial and divisive when expressing your viewpoints,” suggests Thomas Mirmotahari founder and CEO of PerkUp.

“You’re so quiet! You should speak up more.”

Some comments, like the one above, are directly harmful. Others are more subtle yet can also do damage. Madeline Schwarz a public speaking, leadership and career coach who specializes in advising introverts, says it’s important to stop telling introverts they’re too quiet or they should speak up more, even if you mean don’t mean it in a bad way.

“This feedback, while meant to be helpful, is at best hurtful and at worst, damaging. It's commenting on someone's innate personality and finding fault in the beauty of being quiet,” she says.

“Every time you feel the urge to share that feedback, recognize that not everyone's idea of a good time is drinking with their colleagues. Examine the team dynamics and structural imbalances that prevent people from wanting to speak up, and institute policies and practices to intentionally create space for quieter voices.”

What to say instead:

Break the ice. Ask the person questions to get to know them better. Share anecdotes about yourself without expecting them to be as chatty as you. You might just notice them open up.

"Don't they have unvaccinated toddlers at home? Why are they here?"

Cultural and political climate does influence interpersonal dynamics and discussions, so in the context of the pandemic, be extra mindful of your commentary around topics like vaccination.

“Your company likely has a vaccine and testing policy, and all employees at the party are aware of the policies and are adhering to those policies. Making comments on how they lead their lives outside of the office are off-color and will create tension and a lack of trust among employees,” according to Schultz.

What to say instead:

Focus on the fact that you are grateful to be celebrating with the coworkers who are able to be present at the party. “I am glad we get to finally celebrate in person” is a better take. And if you can’t find anything nice to say about a controversial topic, just don’t say anything at all.

"Wow, they look so hot in that dress.”

Schultz also suggests staying away from commenting on anyone’s appearance, even if you mean it as a compliment: “This should go without saying, but never comment on a colleague's appearance, be it in public or behind closed doors. End of story.”

What to say instead:

If you feel the urge to give a compliment, congratulate someone on a work achievement or share some positive aspect of the event instead of commenting on their looks.

"Did you get that relocation bonus too?"

“Compensation conversations -- and changes -- are happening as knowledge workers reset and relocate amid a move towards remote and hybrid work. Don't make people feel uncomfortable or devalued by chatting about these changes at a party. There's a time and place for having conversations with your colleagues about compensation,” she adds.

What to say instead:

Exchange anecdotes about your remote or hybrid work experiences. It’s normal to discuss that kind of stuff with your peers during a big business transition as long as you stay away from gossip.

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