How To Stop Comparing Yourself to Others at Work and Thrive
If your heart sinks every time a peer gets recognized or you find yourself wishing you had the confidence and skills of a certain coworker, you’re not alone – over 40% of professionals surveyed in a Skynova study revealed feeling envy towards their coworkers at least once a week. The top three sources of workplace envy are salary, promotions and career achievements, which points to another phenomenon: comparison at work.
“It’s very common for people, even those who are highly successful and advanced in their career, to compare themselves or be judgmental about not being ‘successful’ enough. The problem is that no one talks about it, so many people believe they are the only ones struggling with comparison and this creates more shame and isolation,” says Verónica Márquez, executive coach and founder of Between Us, a global community that offers gatherings and communication training to help people turn triggering conversations into opportunities for growth and connection.
“Constantly comparing ourselves to others drains our energy and distracts us from accomplishing our goals. The more we focus on others, the less space we have to focus on ourselves and the work we want to do. Our drive weakens.”
On the other hand, managing your tendency to compare yourself to others at work can help you feel motivated and thrive. Here are a few tips to stop comparisonitis in its tracks – or at least redirect it productively.
1. 2..Focus on yourself and your unique gifts
“There’s a lot of power that comes from recognizing and embracing our unique gifts. This is not about being arrogant, but about claiming who we are,” according to Márquez. “The more we celebrate and embrace our virtues, the less threatened we will feel about other people, and the more we’ll actually be able to celebrate them.”
“If we don’t claim our strengths and what we know, we not only miss a chance to feel confident, but we also miss an opportunity to cultivate deeper humility. Because if we don’t claim our gifts, we can only engage with false modesty.”
Building confidence in your abilities and contributions will help foster collaboration over competition and lead to more balanced dynamics – ones that don’t involve feelings of inferiority or superiority.
It’s important to get clear on your strengths first. Write them down. Make it a habit to celebrate little wins throughout the day too. And do these two things often. “This is something we tend to forget so we need ongoing reminders. Have a list of your strengths near your desk,” recommends Márquez.
2. Use your envy for inspiration
Instead of trying to suppress your jealousy and pretend it’s not there, why not use it constructively? Márquez suggests thinking about the qualities that you admire in other people and writing them down. “Practice feeling thankful that these people are showing you these great qualities – they are your inspiration,” she says.
Next, harness that inspiration for your own personal and professional growth. “Use your imagination to imagine what it must be like to have the qualities you admire in others — because what we admire in others are qualities that we have within ourselves but that have not been fully integrated. So the more you feel these qualities in your body and imagine what it must be like to be a confident public speaker, for example, the more you’ll cultivate those qualities within yourself,” she adds.
You can even pursue learning opportunities that help you build the skills that you covet, from attending workshops and conferences to asking your boss to take on an extra project as a new challenge.
3. Work on accepting yourself fully
Focusing on your strengths and how you want to grow is positive, but no human being is perfect. In order to tame your tendency to compare yourself to others at work, it’s also important to accept your weaknesses. The more you cultivate a sense of unconditional self-love that is not dependent on unrealistic standards or external markers of success, the less you’ll compare yourself to others.
“Own what you know and what you don’t. There’s a lot of confidence that comes from fully owning — without shame — what we don’t know,” says Márquez.
4. Address your insecurities with a therapist
If you find yourself negatively affected by the habit of comparing yourself to others, it may be worth getting professional support to address your insecurities so you can thrive.
“If you aren’t ready to feel hopeful and motivated by others then it’s time to work on some insecurities or negative cognitive statements you are perhaps making. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can help us change thoughts, emotions and behaviors that are linked together and that may not be helpful and only cause distress or dysfunction. Seeing a licensed therapist can help with untangling those thoughts and emotions,” according to Dr. Neelima Kunam M.D.Board Certified Adult Psychiatrist at Inland Psychiatric Medical Group.
