How To Deal With Your Virtual Meeting Anxiety

It’s possible that over the past year, you’ve felt your heart sink when you enter a video meeting, terrified at the prospect of your coworkers seeing your home or your appearance. Maybe you dread presenting in front of the many disinterested expressions on small video squares littering your computer screen. You might have even bailed on a meeting or two, simply because you didn’t want to see your own pale, fuzzy face in the corner of your monitor for the umpteenth time that week, as you felt obligated to contribute to yet another virtual meeting that could have been an email. Don’t worry – you’re not going crazy, and it’s not just burnout. You could be unknowingly suffering from a new permutation of an old neurosis: virtual meeting anxiety.

What is virtual meeting anxiety?

Virtual meeting anxiety is certainly a more recently emerging phenomenon, but it isn’t some newfangled psychological mystery; this modern hyper-specific brand of social phobia is just a manifestation of the generalized anxiety that’s been plaguing many individuals since COVID began. According to the CDC, 40% of U.S. adults report an increase in symptoms of this troubling disorder since the onset of COVID-19, and 72% of those with diagnosed anxiety disorders experienced a re-emergence of symptoms over COVID. Researchers are even categorizing one’s worries about getting COVID as a syndrome of its own, and others have found that other phobias, such as agoraphobia, are highlighted during the pandemic. However, no matter what label your anxiety has or what form it takes, it may still be omnipresent in your everyday life. How this foreboding mental giant manifests can vary from person to person. But in general, one inciting event, like a video conference or hearing someone cough beside you, can trigger a set of debilitating symptoms such as an increased heart rate, rapid breathing, sweating, trembling, and an irrational sense of impending doom. You might also be having trouble thinking about anything else other than your phobia, and more unpredictable symptoms might occur, like jelly legs or stomach issues. If these symptoms sound like you before a virtual presentation, it’s probably the case that video conferencing is your biggest fear factor – but don’t worry, you’re not alone. UK-based presentation agency Buffalo 7 reports that a whopping 73% of respondents experience anxiety symptoms before a virtual meeting, and that Google searches in the UK for terms like ‘Zoom anxiety’ have increased by 180% since the beginning of the pandemic. 76% noted that video calls were much more nerve-wracking than phone calls, and 48% said that they were even worse than in-person meetings. It’s clear that the general atmosphere of global uneasiness can sew its seeds in the garden of virtual meetings. But while your skittishness around virtual meetings might be a sublimation, it’s definitely not a coincidence – there are very specific reasons that you find virtual meetings to be so fear-inducing, and if those reasons are addressed, you might start to feel some relief.

Why am I getting virtual meeting anxiety?

Though virtual meeting anxiety might be a product of our time, it’s certainly not a product of your imagination. Buffalo 7’s survey noted that some of the most common fears within the virtual meeting setting are technological faux-pas, connectivity errors and being ill-prepared for presenting. But while some of these fears might seem practical, from a more psychological perspective, the roots of one’s virtual meeting phobia can grow much deeper. In general, virtual meeting anxiety could stem from unmet expectations and the consequences they bring. There’s the socially-accepted notion that one should have their webcam turned on, the idea that multitasking is prohibited, or that being muted or being accidentally muted is an embarrassing sign of incompetence. However, many companies are different, and even within one’s company, one boss could require only verbal communications during meetings while another boss could be more amenable to alternatives, like chatting or group note-taking. It can be confusing, disheartening, and yes, even scary. Another core cause of your discomfort could be that other factors in your life are lowering what psychologists call your “frustration tolerance.” Studies show that those who are more reactive and animated by stress are constantly at a neurochemical hair-trigger and are more apt to releasing higher levels of anticipatory cortisol, colloquially known as the “stress hormone,” at higher rates. Without a certain level of tolerance for stress, your brain can easily kick your body into fight-or-flight mode triggered by this anticipatory cortisol, even if you’re in a situation that isn’t life or death. Finally, your virtual anxiety could be caused by a fear of not being listened to. Whether it’s a distinct lack of formal meeting organization or the general ennui plaguing many virtual meetings, your digital workplace might be making you think, “why am I here at all if nobody cares what I have to say?” The core of this concept is called wishing and fearing, as your fear is, in reality, an acting-out of a wish you feel you can’t express. If you fear the meeting, perhaps you wish you weren’t there in the first place. But your anger and resentment about showing up gets twisted into fear when your upset, flustered feelings have to be repressed.

Is there a cure?

There are a handful of ways to prevent virtual meeting anxiety. If your expression of symptoms is both mild and situational, you can handle it yourself in a number of ways. If you’ve been suffering from different forms of social phobia for longer than COVID has existed, however, your virtual meeting anxiety could stem from the larger problem of ‘glossophobia’ or a fear of public speaking. There are a plethora of tips online including breathing exercises or other behavioral tricks, but studies show that psychological interventions (like psychotherapy) will most likely help more than any self-help tip. If you’d rather handle your anxieties in-house, however, there are plenty of ways to diminish feelings of overwhelm. If you buy into the wish/fear or frustration tolerance models, you could take time to express your opinions to your teammates and those around you. This doesn’t need to necessarily come in the form of outright self-disclosure about your own struggles, but rather admitting the things that might be causing it, like having a professional conversation about being heard in meetings or having the adequate time, tools, and resources to prepare. It might sound a little too simple, but it’s likely that your anxiety will dissipate when you air your frustrations if your frustrations are causing you anxiety. Consider what it is about virtual meetings that makes you anxious, and then talk to your coworkers and see if there is a solution. There may be a simple, easy way to still participate in the meetings, while also alleviating some of your anxiety. For example, if the thought of being on camera makes you feel uncomfortable, ask your teammates if you can keep your camera off. And if public speaking is the root of your stress, perhaps you can contribute to the meeting in another way, like a collaborative note-taking app that lets you type your thoughts instead of speaking.  If confronting the practical issues doesn’t seem to alleviate your virtual meeting anxiety, however, then you should try to express the issue a little more clearly to your co-workers. Make an effort to candidly voice your discomforts around being in a virtual meeting, and if you do request accommodations, also express a goal of confronting this phobia and working through the uneasiness. Even if it’s hard, and sometimes painful, asking for temporary aid that ensures future growth is both better for you and your relationship with your team than making demands that place your needs ahead of others, such as exempting you from all virtual meetings. Your teammates and bosses might be more understanding than you think, and in the end, you’ll be phobia-free, and all the better for it.