How To Deal With An Introverted Boss
“If I had to do it all over again, each time that I had an introverted boss, I would have requested that we each take the Myers-Briggs personality test,” says Damian Birkel, executive director and founder of Professionals In Transition® Support Group, Inc. “It would have saved me so much time, tension – sometimes, my job – and personal strife.”
That’s a pretty bold statement. From thoughtfulness to active listening, introverts have many qualities and can make wonderful leaders. However, understanding how to interact with an introverted boss, especially if you’re on opposite sides of the personality spectrum, can drastically improve your work life. It’s a matter of adapting your work style to build a positive relationship with your boss.
The challenges of having an introverted boss
“The challenges of having an introverted boss is that sometimes communication can be an issue – though certainly not always. Introverts tend to be a bit more in their own heads, so they may forget that they haven’t communicated something with you, or not tell you how they have arrived at a decision. But rest assured, they have almost certainly thought it through!” says career counselor and coach Emily Kikue Frank.
As Birkel learned from experience, introverts process information “from the inside out.” In practice, this can look like a boss requesting an in-depth report that they can review on their own time. Or when your boss asks you a series of very detailed questions, it may be their way of processing information even though it feels like micromanaging.
“It is easy to take offense at the way an introvert manages you, especially if you are an extrovert,” says Birkel. “It is important to remember that your job is to make their job easier.”
Tips to deal with an introverted boss
Here are a few tips to help you navigate your relationship with your introverted boss.
Speak their language
As an extrovert, Birkel says he struggled with his introverted bosses until he learned to do the three following things:
- Only communicate in their preferred style. If they only want email, send email. If you feel other info (like a meeting) may be appropriate, mention why in the email.
- Observe how highly successful direct reports communicated to your boss and imitate them.
- Listen more and talk less.
“By ‘speaking their language’ in their preferred format and providing only the information asked for, you will allow your boss to process and utilize your information as needed,” says Birkel.
Match your energy to them
Chloe Yarwood, the principal researcher at PersonalityData, says that it’s important to act more introverted when interacting with introverts: “Introverts subconsciously draw away from extroverts. If you behave more like an introvert they will be more inclined toward you. Imagine trying to tame a shy animal; you wouldn’t run up to it and be loud would you?”
Give them time to process
You’ll also want to give your boss extra time to process information and more written interactions than face-to-face meetings.
“Many introverts prefer time to consider things carefully, some may prefer written communications. You can follow up any meetings you have with an email restating your understanding of the decision and asking if you’re correct,” recommends Kikue Frank.
“You can also allow for lots of space in meetings – pauses in the conversation, etc. If you’re extraverted, this will be challenging because your tendency is to talk your thoughts through, but try writing them down instead.”
Offer complementary strengths
According to Cynthia from PersonalityMax, a free testing service that helps you understand your personality characteristics, you should also keep in mind that your boss may actually appreciate being surrounded by extroverts when it comes to social situations.
And Yarwood agrees, emphasizing to “remember your boss likes your extraversion in social situations. Whilst most introverts are reluctant to be the one center of attention, they don’t want everyone to be quiet in social situations – they often wish they were more talkative but don’t know how.”
When socializing is called for, say, to entertain a client or during a staff lunch, play to your outgoing strengths. “Your boss will be grateful he has someone who can carry these situations they would otherwise find awkward without you,” she says.
Don’t draw attention to their introvertedness
Finally, if there is one rule of thumb with introverts, it’s to avoid pointing out the fact that they’re introverts. “Don’t draw attention to their introvertedness. Introverts hate it when people say things like ‘they’re really shy.’ They don’t believe they are shy, they believe they are efficient with their words,” adds Yarwood.
